IIIIIII FIXED IT.

No one in Utah has heard of a spudger.

My hinge was in four pieces.

I fail at finding the Gateway shopping area in SLC.

iFixit lacks directions to disassemble one's monitor. I had to improvise.

I have two screws and a little plastic disc, all of which probably belong to the monitor.

Screw you, Apple techs. I can fix parts and you want to do the whole damn thing. SUCKAAAAA.